ones and zeroes

Better living through modern chemistry.

7.10.2006

Wonder Boys

As the film began to roll on I quickly fell in love with the main character, Grady Tripp, a failing writer serving tenure as a writing professor at a small Pittsburgh college who happens to have a serious pot habit. There was a romantic attraction to the life he lead. A life where relationships were tenuous at best, and solitude was supreme, and the best friend he had in the world were the joints he smoked with great regularity. That's me, I thought, down the road.

The movie went on, and on, and I realized that Grady Tripp was kind of a fucktard. And I didn't want to admit it to myself, but it seemed quite obvious that a lot of why he was fucking up, and making bad decisions, was directly due to the copious amounts of marijuana he ingested. Eventually, the main character came to the same conclusion with a little help from Katie Lopsided-Mouth Holmes.

That's when I started picking and choosing what messages to receive and which ones to actually soak in and listen to. I was so in love with this character, and the swamp of writing he was mired in, but in the end I didn't want to identify with him anymore because he had to stop smoking marijuana to return to his previously productive nature.

But when I woke up today it was glaringly obvious that I had a habit that is now an addiction, and moreso than an addiction it is a crutch, it is a comfort zone. I leave for Europe for a month on Sunday. I'm down to one last bowl's worth of pot. I was gonna buy more, to last the week until I leave. But now I'm not going to. It's time for a break. Yet again. But the goal during this break is to channel that energy elsewhere. Pen and paper, pen and paper. I don't want to quit smoking pot forever.

But I do want to get my priorities straight.

"It's important to do more than tread water, even if you drown."

I'm sinking.

2 Comments:

  • At 11:02 PM, Anonymous mischa said…

    hey, i know you can do whatever you put your mind to. with or without the beloved maryjane. the two even more important ladies in your life miss you and love you tons! come home to us with ideas for books / screenplays / poems... ANYTHING! just come home full of stories ok?

     
  • At 12:15 PM, Blogger implicitly said…

    i used to smoke a lot. it brings you ideas, but sometimes you forget to write them down. i slowed down on the pot-but i plan on taking it up again, maybe just at night. i have also found that carrying a notebook around helps. besides writing, you can collect things that inspire.

     

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